believer in my Maker & Savior

I am a bit :D but also I am a bit  :(. 
:arrow:- just proceed...once again I can't say something. 

:?: for the past few days I have been thinking of R.E. Does this mean I am in love with him?
For me he's okay, the sweetest guy I've ever known. He did for me lots of things in the past that actually I never really appreciated and I feel sad about that. I realize now how he he was willing to do everything for me...and i just miss that.  :? It's just that now, I don't know what is happening with him. We don't even talk, not even rarely but never at all.

I realized that really, absence makes the heart grwon fonder.

I am in an internet cafe...doing this.
...again cannot say anything.

So there.

One thing I am afraid of is to go to the dentist. I am now worried of my toothache. It's very different than the toothaches I had before. This one persists no matter how many tablets of mefenamic acid and ponstan I take. My left ear is also very much affected. It's like an loud sound irritates it. I just hate the feeling. 

I still don't have access of internet home and I just hate it.

I am beginning to hate my theology, especially now that I've been failing my quizzes. I have an essay to do and I still don't know how to do it. father reyes is so meticulous in terms of content. I still can't fathom what it is that he likes. I hate studying these past few days. I hate reading, understanding and memorizing. I hate school.

I attended the cell group yesterday and it was fun. I saw my crush and he just made my day.

***
Dear Lord, this day that you've given us. Thank you for the blessings. Lord, thank yuo for the family of Uncle Mikeand Auntie Bellie. May you always bless them. Lord, may you always protect my family. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I've been talking about the learnings I had this week and yet I figured out that some of things that you actually realizeto be important are also the things that are hard to change within yourself and the conflict will just remain no matter how how you try to get rid of it. Living everyday would just let you be  reminded ofthese things and make you experience them over and over again.

I realized that there are several things that are hindering me to move on with my life. I am sometimes too focued on things that I tend to forget other important or some minor things that also need to be done and be attended upon. In turn, instead of accomplishing a lot, I am missing out on certain things and details which are actually more important. I sometimes forget what are the things that need to be priioritized first. I tend to neglect other things. I feel I am too tired doing things yet, some people who actually have less time for one thing, can actually accomplish more than I am. I feel lost and I feel that I am such a big loser.

Also, I am driven by wrong purposes and intentions in life. I dream with anger, grudge and all sort of negative feelings in my heart and that actually slows down my movement towards reaching my goals in life. I am too selfish. I realized that it is actually my unpure heart that is hindering me from getting the things that i want even though they are not for myself but for the family.

It is not right t pity yourself and degrade yourself if you think others are better than you are and if you think others did so mch better than you do. Like all the others, it will also obstruct you from moving on with your life.

Huuuwwwhhhhhaaaat.....I cannot believe this. My crush is just in frontof me . Oh my, I'm getting a bit anxious. I don't know how to move and to act. Shit....I don't know how I look. I didn't fix my hair, omi!

***
Dear Lord, thank you for this wonderful Saturday that you've given us. Thank you for all the blessings. Thank you for the learnings and the realizations that you made me discover. May you always guide my family and those people who are helping us. May you give me a wonderful week. I love you Lord and as always I entrust to you my family. May you forgive us oour sins. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I do not know what is wrong with my laptop. I cannot insert my modem and I am just too lazy to go to Cubao and bother mr. Tony again of my problem. I am just too pissed of with everything that is happening with my computer and laptop at home. They make me wanna shout.

I just stayed home the whole day yesterday and tried to read my books. I wasn't pretty satisfied with what I accomplished.

Once again, my most precious glass was broken. It's actually my fault since I just left it in the middle of the floor. I got angry with Ate Alot that I caanot concentrate with what I was reading that's why I just slept.

So now, I am here in the school computer lab doing this.
I am hoping I'll have a fruitful day today in school.

***
Dear Lord, thank you for this day and for the past few days. Thank you for the blessings and also for the trials. Thank you for the grace everyday that we are able to live, wake up every morning, eat meals and rest. Thank you for sending people who are always there and are always willing to help us. Thank you Lord because you are so faithful. May you never leave us. Please always keep us safe. Make us feel loves at all times. Please bless each one in the family. Bless the family of Auntie Bellie and Sir Ricky Mercado Lord. I love you Lord and I trust to you LATER. I pray all of these in Jesus' name, Amen.

I have toothache. I'm not feeling well and I don't feel like blogging.
I wish I can go to church tomorrow and meet with my friends. i miss them so much. My cell group is like a family to me yet sometimes I still feel that I don't belong at times.

I feel being left out most of the time. I cannot join them with their conversation since I feel that I don’t know them anymore and I don’t know where to place myself in the group. I probably just feel different at times. They are so into the church thing, and unfortunately, I am not. There are new faces in the group and it’s getting larger and larger. I am just worried that before I knew it, April will be handling yet another group and someone else will be handling us.

I love April as my cell leader, and I don’t have problems with her if she gets to handle a new group for that is actually part of growing. I am scared of the fact that she’s leaving me behind and that I won’t feel comfortable in the group anymore. Oh well…

The problem with me is that I don’t know how to be at ease with things that I am not used at doing. Probably it is my fault of choosing things that I’ll be doing that’s why I never will get used to some other things other than those that I love to do now. Okay, I am not used at sitting around with people on Sundays sometimes wasting my time waiting for people to start what we are supposed to do. I feel that I am wasting and regretting that I shouldn’t have attended since I have more important things to do at time.

Well, this is the problem with me. I can’t adapt well. I can relate yet it will not be true of me because  I will end up just forcing myself doing that thing and actually not get something out of it, like the simple happiness and satisfaction that I am hoping to get from it.

I am so weird. I always think that I’m running out of time yet there are times when I feel so idle just bumming around. Well probably, I deserve the reward that I’m giving myself, rest.

I don’t know what is it that I should do so that I could ace my long tests. I haven’t aced any yet so far and there were people who were consistently getting As in the subjects. I just hate these abnormal genius people…I wonder what they’re secrets are. I am still in the process of forming a good study habits. Right now, I am just getting B plusses with most of my psyche long tests, except that damn biopsyche.

I already finished the directory for the ANI 2005 core. I am so happy I finally finished one obligation. I don’t want to think it’s an obligation, but reality it actually is. (ang gulo)

***
Dear Lord, thank you for this day that you’ve given us. Thanks for everything. Thank you for blessing my family. Lord, please instill in me a heart of purity, a mind of purity and a person of purity. Please lead me not into sinning. I love you Lord. Thank you for the wisdom. Please always be here for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The new feature of tblog is great yet it makes typing so slow and very much pissing off, especially if I am in a hurry ‘cause I am too sleepy. I feel so sleepy now with all the readings that I did for the past two days. I was done with my three long exams for this week and I am just so relieved. I already got the results for my cognitive psyche and with God’s grace I got a B+. But then, I had the hardest biopsyche exam ever and I am in no doubt that I am going to fail that test. I am just hoping that I’ll get good turn-out for my expepsyche test.

We had our second ANI core meeting this night at 730. I got home late, but it’s worthwhile to be with my friends in ANI.

 I love being with them ‘cause they just make me be myself.  

***

Dear Lord, thank you for this day that you’ve give us. Thank you for the wisdom and the confidence you’ve given me this week for my exams. Thank you for teaching me not to give up and lose hope. Thank you for my family, they’re my strength. Lord, may you help us in every single thing that each of us make. Thank you Lord for everything and may you all bless us including Auntie Bellie and her family in the US and also the Mercado family. Bless my friends and other relatives Lord. May you be with them always. Please be with all of us always and keep us away from temptations. I love you Lord and I pray all of these, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

I was thinking of changing my blog since I cannot post pictures here in tblog. So I hope this one works.

Wowwwww, Asteeeg. It worked. But wait till I finally posted it. This is my brother Ron with Dad and his officemates. You’ve heard about Ron  too much and I guess it’s about time for you to see him though not personally ‘cause that won’t happen. He’s gone. He won’t be back..

I probably just miss him…so so much. It still hurts but I have to be strong.
I actually don’t feel like blogging. I just have so many things to do and overall, I have 3 tests for tomorrow in school. I am not feeling well. I feel so stressed and so tired and emotionally down. I am just so problematic with things but I will choose to shut my mouth for awhile.  

***
Dear Lord, I thank you for this wonderful day that you’ve given us. Thanks for the blessings, the strength and the inspiration. I love you Lord. Forgive us all of our sins. May you give me strength and wisom for tomorrow’s exams. I love you Lord and I pray all of these in Jesus’ name, Amen.