believer in my Maker & Savior

I heard on the news just this afternoon that there were about 20,000 plus people who died from the tsunami that hit many Southeast Asian counties like Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Bangladesh, and India. The epicenter of that earthquake was reported to originate from Indonesia.

I have often said to my dear loved ones that this year is an unlucky year. First is that because Ron died. Then, here came some tragic events in the country before the year ends like the two typhoons that hit Luzon, FPJ and KC de Venecia’s death and this one that happened in Southeast Asia.

With all these that are happening, I can’t help but to ask myself why. There must be a reason why there are so many people dying now. There must be a reason why God is asking for the lives of these people back, including my brother’s. I don’t the answer to these. Could the end be near? I still don’t know. Only Him knows.

I am missing Ron. For sure my siblings and my parents also do. All of us are still hurting and asking for the reason why that accident happened. Now, somehow knowing and learning from my Psychology subjects about our defense mechanisms, it’s not easy for me to say that my family is luckier than those of the victims of these recent tragedies. If I say that my brother is luckier than those whose bodies are burned and those bodies that are never found, it will just appear that I’m consoling my feeling of pain. I’m just using the defense mechanism of comparing myself to the more unfortunate individuals. But then who cares. Yes, I feel luckier. I feel blessed. However, I would never be thankful that still many people faced more tragedies than my family faced last May of this year.

I only have a week of vacation left before school starts again. I will have to finish the following still:
1. Do my part for our Industrial Psychology report on January 6, 2005.
I will have to master my part and I will also be doing our powerpoint presentation.
2. For Psychological testing- I will have to do the Psychological report on Kass due on January 6, 2005.
I also have to start reading now for our second mastery test on January 11 which will cover 5 chapters.
3. For Social Psychology- I will have to study for our first long exam on January 6.
Our report on conformity will be on January 11 and so I will have to start working now since I don’t    think my groupmates will initiate.

4. I have a 2-page paper on History regarding the Ayala Museum visit due on Jan 7.
5. For philosophy- I have to start with the reading now and prepare for the midterm oral exams.

Goodluck to me if I can do all these. I still feel lazy about school stuff. Lord, help me!!!

Talking about Philosophy, have often told my friends especially Miko that it’s an easy yet tough subject. With Sir Guevarra as my teacher, I often had so many complaints. I would always say that it’s a useless subject since I cannot really apply what I am learning. But then now, I guess the lessons are slowly taking effect on my whole being. It changed my way of thinking and my way of doing things.

Unlike when I was still small, I often dreaded the day if it comes when my family will be dysfunctional—when my parents separate. I have always been so idealistic and perfectionist about things. But then now, my thinking changed. I am not afraid anymore on whatever it is that is going to happen to my family or to any aspect of my life. I learned from philosophy that it’s just fine for the things that you don’t like to happen, to happen. What matters is the way you are going to deal with life and the things that are happening. I am happy though that my family is still intact. We’re happy together and what I love about my family is that every member care about each other…so much.

Danasin mo. I love these two magical words from my philo class. I am now learning to really experience things as they happen and to just experience things that I’ve never experience before. I am now learning to appreciate the life of others and the want of experiencing their lives too, blossoms in me. I just love that different kind of feeling when you get yourself involved with your society and environment.

Just yesterday, I made myself proud when I tried riding Viking and Flying Saucer of the Fiesta Carnival in Cubao. I think I will have to try Enchanted Kingdom rides next. Yeah…I’ve never been there. ;( really, yesterday was fun with my high school friends. We planned to watch a movie in Robinsons yet we ended up in Fiesta Carnival instead and in the foodcourt of SM Cubao. It’s funny since most of us were really not in favor of Cubao, as the place to be in. We were in Galleria already but some of us found the 100 peso for a movie ticket too expensive so we moved to Megamall. In Megamall, upon seeing the many people queuing for tickets to every other movie of the Metro Manila Film Festival, we already backed out. We decided not to watch movie anymore.

Lord, thank you for this day. I love you and may you forgive us for we have sinned. May you always give us your blessings and grace

Please. Can someone tell me how to celebrate Christmas…the right way? I have always told myself and also my Christian friends would always tell me, or write me letters or even text me that “Jesus is the reason of the season.

To be honest, I don’t feel like it is Christmas. This now makes me believe that Christmas is really for children. I just grew old and when I turned probably 13 or so, I together with my neighbors of the same age just stopped doing carolings, and stopped enjoying the season. We just stopped feeling the true spirit of Christmas.

This became even worse when I converted from being Catholic to Born-Again Christian. Simbang Gabi was probably helpful in making one feel that the Christmas season is already around the corner and it is the time to be jolly. Unfortunately, as Born-Again Christians, we don’t do Simbang Gabi.

Recently, I watched Game Ka Na Ba, which is hosted by Kris Aquino. The million peso question asked of the Pope who declared December 25 to be Jesus’ birthday and therefore, Christmas. The answer was Pope Julius I (I’m not sure…sorry!). I asked myself at that point, what if December 25 is not really the birth date of Christ? What if we were all the while fooling ourselves of celebrating Christmas every year during that date? Yes, we’ve been probably all stupids. But then, what’s wrong with being stupid? Nothing…right?

When we realize one day that December 25 is not really Jesus’ birthday, I don’t think we would ever regret what we and also those who already passed away have done. Christmas has brought happiness to everyone. It has made people enjoy life. It has brought people closer to God and Jesus and this I guess, is the most important thing of all. When it’s Christmas, its colder, it’s lovelier, it’s happier, and everything nice.

Today, I went with Ate Icel to Mandaluyong. We helped her officemate to hold a small and simple Christmas party for the street children. The experience was fulfilling and it somehow made me feel that it’s Christmas today. I met several kids and it was fun playing with them. Hahahha…I really love and I am so so fond of kids and children. For a grown-up like me, I need to deal with them once in a while and enjoy the simplicity of life. I was depriving myself of food this past few days but I ate a LOT today. I just hate the feeling of being full. ; ( We were supposed to visit Ron today in the memorial park but we were not able to wake up early. I think everyone got tired from last night’s noche Buena. I am hoping that we can already go tomorrow. I’m so excited.


We went to Policarpio in Mandaluyong after the childrens' party. We took a picture of this one house which is full of lights.

How are we really supposed to celebrate Christmas? I hope I can by, going to mass and thanking God and celebrating with other people of Christ’s birth. I hope I can share my blessing to everyone.

I am excited for tomorrow! I’ll be seeing my high school friends and we’ll be watching a movie and have fun!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Yesterday, I decided to open this blog to my friends. I posted the url to my friendster account. I was hesistant to let my friends view my site because there were entries that may hurt others and might offend them. But then I realized that this blog is first and foremost public and anyone's life is supposed to be shared. What I have written here are all true and they were my thoughts at that certain point in time. I do not intend to edit some of the things which I think would hurt people if they get to read it because that's the truth. I am sorry though for those people whom I would cause pain.

Today, I went to Landbank Katipunan to send the money Uncle Mike gave to Auntie Tess. Right after, I went to the Bookstore to buy the fitness video Ate Icel asked me to purchase. Also, I bought small post-its to give my cellgroup mates as gifts. I attended the Christmas Party in church and i really had fun. I got to see my cellgroup and some people that I didn't see for quite a long time like Mhayve and Jonalyn.

While I was at the party, I can't help but to envy all the youths inside that cafeteria. I can see in them the passion they have for God and to Jesus. I must admit that I self-pitied. I know that I'll feel better if I have the same fire as they have now in their lives. I must also say though that those people inspired me.

It's late. I just finished watching with my mother and my three sisters the VCD I rented from Video City. We watched Crying Ladies. I got to watch 50 First Dates last night and I have Gigli left to watch probably tomorrow before I return them when it's due.

Lord, thank you for this day. I love you. Forgive me and my family for our sins.

My Christmas vacation started last Friday. It was the day that I have been waiting for to come ever since the semester began. I had my last long test for history 165 and I don’t think I did well on that. I messed up and I am scared that I actually failed my first exam for that subject.

After the exam I went straight ahead to Bellarmine for my early practicum. I encoded the personality tests of ACESS’s clients to MS-Dos. It was long yet I had fun. Practicum was fun. I am glad I got interested in Test Administration work. I was not expecting that prior to administering tests, I will first have to take the exam themselves first.  I already had the chance to take the Ateneo School of Law Admission Test and I really had an exciting time answering it. I got dizzy after three hours of reading and reading and  things I could not even comprehend.

I was worried that Friday afternoon because I was supposed to be in the ANI concert venue at 3 but I went out of the practicum office at 330. I was just glad that only few came on time so I still was able to help out in preparing for the concert. The event went well though I wasn’t able to finish it. The performers were good and the vocalists of the first two bands were really cuties. I crush their voices and yeah, also their looks.

I was supposed to attend the PEERS Christmas Party last Saturday at Celine Sugay’s place in Valle Verde but I got lazy so I did not go. I just stayed home and fixed some of my stuff in our newly built cabinet. I like how our room looks like now. Though we really spend a lot on that, at least we got rid of many things in the house. We were able to let go of some things inside the room, like books and stuff toys. (sounds like Clean House of Lifestyle Network?…ohh…how I miss that show and that of Katie Brown.)

Last Sunday, I went with Ate Alot and Ate Icel to Recto to buy Ate Alot’s nursing/medical equipments which cost us 4000 plus pesos. Afterwards, we decided to go to Cubao instead to Divisoria. We did some Christmas shopping and window shopping and some eating.

Lately, I’ve been getting addicted to the new fitness videos I bought from National Bookstore the last weeks. The video was a total body workout and that’s what I really needed. For the past weeks, I also conditioned myself again not to eat carbos, since I really feel that I’m getting fat. I noticed that some of my pants don’t fit me anymore. 

Before the break, I think I made a new good and true friend in the person of Jess. Despite our differences in life, she still accepted me for who I am. I’m glad that I don’t have to go to the Ayala Museum alone since I already went there with her before the break. (to visit Ayala museum and to make a paper regarding our visit is our project for history) The museum was amazing. The facilities were fantabulous and so high-tech! Nice new experience.

Time is really running fast. It’s December and it’s Christmas time…and New Year’s time. But then, I don’t feel like it is. I can feel the emptiness and sadness because of Ron’s death. There is just that void that only him could fill in. This is the season when families should be together and be happy. And Christmas would always remind us that once and many times in our lives, we used to celebrate and eat Noche Buena with Ron. But then, he’s gone and he will never come back. We would always remember that he used to carol in the neighborhood with his bestfriend Miko. He used to go with Dad during his office’s Christmas Party and then he would arrive home still hungry because he did not eat that much. He would boast of his gifts from his Ninongs and Ninangs from the office. He would have lots of money and Mom could have probably been worried by now, since Ron would be expecting for new clothes.

Sometimes, I don’t want times like these anymore. I don’t like these quiet times when everyone and I could reflect and just remember all that happened. Sometimes, times like these hinder me from counting my blessings.

I could not count and I don’t want to know how many months and for how long have I been absent in church services. There are so many things that I realized but I’m not sure of. Probably it’s just that there were times when I think about the following;
1. I’m not sure if I want to remain Born-Again
2. I want to be a Catholic again

Sometimes it’s nicer not be active in church or to not to know a lot of people in church. I had a hard time coming back because of my cell group and my friends in church and to be honest, they are taking too much pressure from me. I sometimes don't want to attend services because right after we will be having cell groups and most of the time, before it starts, it would still take us an hour or so. It's just that it's taking too much time from me and I am not enjoying it. I know I sound bad but this is the only way  I can be true to myself. I never had the guts to tell the people concerned about these.

It's Deecember and it's once again the season for Simbang Gabi. The first night, my sisters Maricel and Kreng heard the mass. I just remember also, how I used to have less hours of night sleep because I wanted to complete the nine days of Simbang Gabi. It was a belief that once you did complete it, your wish will come true. I believed then but I never remembered myself making a wish. I did not intend to make a wish on the first night since it really did not matter to me anyway. What mattered was that I attended every night and nothing else. I remembered, when I was still a Catholic that every year, I would just pray to be on top in school.

Last Monday night, I called Bernadine, Kurt and Cherielyn just to check if they are attending Simbang Gabi. Kurt's statement struck me. He was not attending Simbang Gabi because he's already old. He said that he was awakened to the fact that wishes don't really come true, they are just childhood fantasies. Ijust realized how better it is to be an innocent child. It is when your outcome and perception to the world is so positive. It is when you don't worry and think about things too much. It is when you just enjoy doing things and that's it, you're happy. All of us have really grown and have become old. :(

It's really hard when you know a lot of things. I love the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible as it points to many realities in life. One of the things it says is that, the more you know, the more it hurts. It's true. Because of the knowledge I gained from studying, reading, dealing with people and experiencing life, I learned to become critical. I became that much of a thinking person and sometimes, it's not healthy anymore. I always see problems in things and the wrong in them. It's not healthy when you know you know and when situations come that you have to reason out and defend your principles in life, you are left with no choice but to do so. It even came to pint when I questioned if God really exist and I think this is the most extreme thing that any person could get into, as far as too much thinking and reflecting is concerned.

I always say that the bad thing about people nowadays is that they don't know what's their purpose in doing things. I just realized lately, that probably people are happier when they do that. When they don't have to question and just do whatever it is that is gonna make them really happy. And sometimes, the feeling of happiness will be the one to give them directions in life.

This is what I  have been facing for the past many days.

That's my cutie hair brush right there. I'm so vain these past few days.

I had a pretty fruitful conversation with brian.
I asked permission from him to post the whole conversation but I guess he did not allow me to. I decided to post it anyway, since I have the right to. Sorry bri...

Here's how the conversation went...

brian tam: hey
tasteeberree: bri
brian tam:
brian tam: wat?
tasteeberree:
tasteeberree: !!!
brian tam: so, msta?
brian tam: ano gawa mo onlyn?
tasteeberree: check email
brian tam: ic
tasteeberree: ikaw?
brian tam: wla lang,im waitin for my fren 2 go onlyn, may hihingin kc akong favor sa kanya
tasteeberree: anong favor?
brian tam: may ipapascan me sa knyang paper. its an exercise given by our prof pero wla akong nakuha kc absent me
brian tam: tpos due na ito sa monday
tasteeberree: why were u absent?
brian tam: d me absent, more of lyk nag-cut ng class
brian tam: heheheh
brian tam: ang boring kasi ng class na un e
tasteeberree: okay.ü
tasteeberree: so anjan na sisters mo?
brian tam: umm... ung isa alng
brian tam: /lang
brian tam: the other 1 stays at a dorm near UST sa weekdays
tasteeberree: you know, nauubusan pa rin ako ng questions for you.
brian tam: hahaha
tasteeberree:
brian tam: same hir din
brian tam: hey, may naisip na kong 1!
tasteeberree: what?
brian tam: wat wud u do if u learnd na ur sis is 2 months pregnant cos of her bf and d pa cla kasal?
tasteeberree: i'll try to put myself on her shoes. what if you're in her sitiuation? try to understand. that happened to me also kasi my kuya got her girlfriend pregnant
tasteeberree: i dont know e..my only concern was my brother...that he needed my help, my support
tasteeberree: i tried talking to him, nagging him at first then saying that i'll be on his side no matter what..that the baby would be a blessing
brian tam: so, ano nangyari sa baby?cno nagaalaga?
tasteeberree: sa january pa manganganak yun girl
brian tam: ic...
tasteeberree: you know what's the hardest part?
brian tam: what?
tasteeberree: kung paano sasabihin sa parents namin, since my brother just died!!!
tasteeberree: we kept it for 3 months
tasteeberree: or more pa
brian tam: so d pa alam ng parents mo til now?
tasteeberree: alam na.
brian tam: is that brother of urs the 1 u told me abt dati?
tasteeberree: na what?
brian tam: ung nalunod?
tasteeberree: yup, the one who died, our youngest
tasteeberree: so y did you ask nga pala?
brian tam: ur youngest?and sya pa ung nakabuntis?
tasteeberree: hindi....
brian tam: ok ok, i get it na
tasteeberree: haaayyy
tasteeberree: bat mo ba natanong?
brian tam: u ddnt wana tel ur folks na nakabuntis ung other bro mo kc depressed pa cla abt wat hapend to ur youngest bro, ryt?
brian tam: bcos my sis is pregnant ryt nw
tasteeberree: so how are you taking it now?
tasteeberree: how old is your sister?does she work?
brian tam: shes alredy 21 and takin up law
brian tam: d na masyadong big deal ngayn ac2aly kc our parents and the guy's parents already knw abt it
tasteeberree: so tell me how are u taking it?
brian tam: 2 b honest... im pissed at her and her bf
tasteeberree: natatangahan ka sa ate mo?
brian tam: u knw y?
tasteeberree: o why?
brian tam: kc my sis nga stays hir wit me sa condo
tasteeberree: so?
brian tam: and wenever her bf comes over, somtyms he spends the nyt over
brian tam: and madalas nandito clang 2 sa condo
tasteeberree: so you think, jan nabuo yun baby?
brian tam: i gues
brian tam: and to think na i trusted the 2 of them na d cla ggawa ng milagro dto
tasteeberree: have you tried talkin to her?
brian tam:
tasteeberree: you seem mad
brian tam: yup
tasteeberree: what did you say? and what did she say?
brian tam: im disappointed
tasteeberree: so, is she still studying?
brian tam: i told her na i dont trust her anymore and also to tell her bf not to show his face near the condo anymore
tasteeberree: really!!!?????
brian tam: yup!
tasteeberree: you know, i dont think you did the right thing.
tasteeberree: or probably,galit ka lang at that time.
brian tam: nop, i still mean wat i said til today
brian tam: nakakadisappoint lang kc e
brian tam: sya pa tong nagsasabi sakin na they have plans for the fu2r...
brian tam: na maggng lawyer muna sya and kapitan ng barko ung bf nya b4 they get married...
brian tam: and sum other stuf...tapos malaman laman ko nalang na 2 months na syang buntis?
tasteeberree: i dont want to say this, pero pag may nangyari sa sister mo na masama, you'll regret everything you did and said...you'll wish you could have supported her na lang
tasteeberree: sometimes kasi,life is so unpredictable
tasteeberree: bri..you hve to keep in mind, na not at all times everything would be in their proper order
brian tam: i doubt na may gagawin syang masama, that wud b a dumber thing to do than getin pregnant
tasteeberree: how can you say?pero,still sana, support mo na lang siya.still be a brother for her
brian tam: i duno if i can...
brian tam: its really hard u knw?
brian tam: ang hirap na nga ng situation ko being a dlsu cs student, ang dami ko ng pproblemahin...
brian tam: and knw she's adding to my worries pa...
brian tam: i can only take so much naman
brian tam:
tasteeberree: kasi ur a guy...or di mo lang naisip na puwede rin mangyari sayo yun nagngyari sa kanya.i dnt think it's because you're a student of a hard course in a hard school...kasi kung tao ka,you'll know how to feel
tasteeberree: oh no,my words are so harsh
brian tam: its ok, lyk u said, im a guy
tasteeberree: pero, i mean them
brian tam: i knw
brian tam: nakakastress out lang kc, wat im sayin is, grabe nang stress ung skul, all i wnt is a stress free hom to go home to at the end of the day, as in a place wer i can relax and hav no worries
tasteeberree: bri,you're just too pre-occupied with things na hindi naman dapat pinoproblema
brian tam: pero ngayn, i always hav to wori bout my sis, anytym pwedeng may mangyaring masama bcos of her bein pregnant
tasteeberree: good!at least,i can sense your love for her
tasteeberree: hihihihih....
tasteeberree: tao ka bri!!!!
brian tam: to be honest, i dont feel love for any of my relatives xcept my parents
tasteeberree: even your sisters?
brian tam: ..yes
tasteeberree: huh?
brian tam: masyado kc clang istorbo e
tasteeberree: sa pag-aaral mo?
brian tam: sa lahat,they alwys bother me, askin me silly questions, nilloko ako, knukulit...etc
tasteeberree: paanong silli questions,pano ka nila niloloko at kinukult?
tasteeberree: why do you think are they doing those things to you?
tasteeberree: totoo mo ba silang kapatid or half sisters lang?
brian tam: i duno, u tel me, ur the 'sister'
brian tam: hehehe
brian tam:
brian tam: yup! totoo ko clang sisters
tasteeberree: siguro you're giving them reasons to do that to you
brian tam: nop
tasteeberree: you know my parents..they would always teach us na intindihin na lang yun personality ng bawat isa.
brian tam: they jst do it
tasteeberree: so kung ginagawa nila yun..istorbo sila sa pag-aaral mo diba u said?
brian tam: i knw na they're jst showin concern for me, pero ayoko ng sobra-sobra
brian tam: kht pag lalabas lang ako, they bother me and interrogate me
tasteeberree: see...they love you and i think they need to be loved in return...by their only brother
tasteeberree: naging brother ka  ba sa kanila?
brian tam: wat do u min?
tasteeberree: you know the role of the brother... tagapagtanggol
brian tam: tagapagtanggol saan?
tasteeberree: making sure na her sisters are always safe
tasteeberree: ..the answer is no kaya ka ganyan
brian tam: y shud i make sure na safe cla?
tasteeberree: kasi dapat
brian tam: my philosophy i
brian tam: ganun lang kasimple un
tasteeberree: dapay
tasteeberree: dapat
brian tam: matanda na cla so alam na nla kng safe cla or not
tasteeberree: so ano pa at naging brother ka nila...do you know na kaya kong hindi matulog sa kahihintay sa mga kapatid ko, just to make sure na bago ako matulog everyone is home safe
tasteeberree: so in the future kapag nag ka family ka, dont expect your son or your daughter to care for you
brian tam: dats alryt with me
tasteeberree: bri..malungkot ba buhay mo?
brian tam: nop, y?
tasteeberree: kasi,you dont seem to value the things that would make a person really really really happy
tasteeberree: i know kung bakit
brian tam: bkt?
tasteeberree: im sure na yun yun reason why, pero i dont think i have the right to say it... i just know that you feel incomplete
tasteeberree: i know alam mo rin kung ano yun
tasteeberree: bri could you imagine kung nagtetext tayo now
brian tam: marj, every1 feels incomplete, even u feel incomplete, dats human nature
brian tam: bkt mo naman namention ung text?
tasteeberree: wala lang, e di nakakapagod at sayang sa load
tasteeberree: at hindi ko masasabi lahat nggusto kong sabihin sayo
brian tam: hahaha
brian tam: tama ka
tasteeberree: and probably you wont open up
brian tam:
brian tam: alam mo ba kng bakt magkaiba ung priorities natin?its bcos guy ako and grl ka
tasteeberree: bakit ang landi ng colors ng letters mo?
tasteeberree: blue ha?
tasteeberree: bakit hindi green?
brian tam: wla lang, trip ko lang
brian tam: ang pangit kc ng green n font
brian tam: n blue feels cool and relaxin kc
brian tam: y?u dont lyk na may kulay ung font?o bka ayaw mo lang talga sa blue
brian tam:
tasteeberree: about the incomplete thing...there were already moments when i feel complete
brian tam: really?!
tasteeberree: right now, no
tasteeberree: i know you know kung ano yun point ko
brian tam: we need the feelin of bein incomplete, its our drivin force
brian tam: kya ok lang kng incomplete ung feeling mo
tasteeberree: pero,saying it's okay parati will bring you nowhere..so nasan yun driving force dun?
tasteeberree: you're stuck forever to being incomplete
brian tam: pero kng naachive mo ung feeling nacomplete ka na, wats d point of 'livin' then?
brian tam: it wud be a waste of time
tasteeberree: enjoy the moment
tasteeberree: be thankful
tasteeberree: so online na un friend mo?
brian tam: naka bc status sya e
brian tam: y?
tasteeberree: bri...sorry pero i noticed some inconsistensies with what you were saying
brian tam: wat do u mean?
tasteeberree: kasi sabi mo, you feel na naiistorbo ka ng sisters mo..particularly with ur studies..but then, nag cut ka...now, nag memesenger ka, then sometimes naglalaro ka ng game then minsan nakikinig ng music at nag-iisip????
brian tam: un lang ba?
tasteeberree: opo
brian tam: dats easy to explain
tasteeberree: hindi ko pa rin matanggap na wala kang paki sa sisters mo
brian tam: im a guy, im less in touch with my feelings than u girls are
brian tam:
tasteeberree: reason mo lang yun.i know you're lying
tasteeberree: e di sana di kayo na-iin love
brian tam: anong kinalaman sa pagging in love sa walang paki sa sis ko?
tasteeberree: sabi mo as a guy..you're not that emotional or in touched with your feelings? e di sana nga, hindi kayo takot na iwan ng girls
tasteeberree: guys ha..not you
tasteeberree: ..im just leading to the point na..you also feel
brian tam: i never said na we dont feel a thing, i jst said na we are "less" in touch with our emotions and feelings
tasteeberree: eto ha..so you mean to say sa girlfriend mo...magiging ganun ka rin? not caring?
tasteeberree: not in touched with emotions and feelings kaya hindi mo alam insensitive ka na...
brian tam: para sakin, iba ung sisters sa other girls, i treat them differently
tasteeberree: ndi! personality is permanent across conditions
brian tam: jan ka nagkakamali!
brian tam: hehehe
tasteeberree: kung hindi man...you're just trying to hide na probably caring ka sa sisters mo
brian tam: kaya nga mabilis mabola ang mga grls and madaming couples na nagddivorce overtym
tasteeberree: bakit mabilis mabola ang girls?
tasteeberree: i dnt see any connection?
brian tam: kc nga, iba ung attitude ng guys sa outsiders and sa family
tasteeberree: siguro the way you treat them..pero what im saying is..si brian na sige let's say, caring....will always be caring, kung yun yun personality mo at hindi ka nagpapanggap
brian tam: u hv a pt
brian tam:
brian tam: so i gues i really am manhid then
brian tam: magaling lang akong magpanggap
tasteeberree: na realize mo na?
tasteeberree: kaya nga maraming naghihiwalay na couples, sabi mo na ri...hini kami yun dahilan, kayong guys
brian tam: matagal ko ng alam na manhid ako, i nver denied it
tasteeberree: whatever bri!
brian tam: abt d couples, 50-50 ung causes
tasteeberree: joke lang yun..
brian tam: hey, bkt ka naman naiinis?
tasteeberree: na sabi mo you never denied na manhid ka...as if...ngayon mo nga lang yata narealize db?
brian tam: nop
tasteeberree: o sige na
tasteeberree: basta love your sisters na lang
tasteeberree: yun lang
brian tam: pero manhid lang me sa sis ko, dats d truth, sa iba hinde
tasteeberree: sabi ko nga...wag mo na hintayin na may masamang mangyari sa kanila
tasteeberree: bago ka matauhan
brian tam: ok,thanks for the tip
tasteeberree: yey...at last tinggap mo rin! thanks also
brian tam: thanks for wat?
tasteeberree: i mean tinanggap
tasteeberree: for accepting the 'tip'..thanks
brian tam: ur funny
brian tam: u say thanks to sum1 else for takin ur advice?
tasteeberree: oo naman
tasteeberree: y, ndi ba dapat?
brian tam: wel, not every1 does that
tasteeberree: alam mo...ikaw example, you know i took your advice for example, you'll be thankful din deep inside..happy ka pa diba?
brian tam: hmmm... i never thot of it that way
brian tam: kc para sakin, pag nagadvice ako, take it or leave it, kw ung bhaal
brian tam: /bhala
tasteeberree: kaya nga, if you come to know na i took your advice, you'll be thankful kasi, you know na it's the best advice and that probably your advice can save me...parang sigh of thanks lang na...wow i helped this person...for me ha
tasteeberree: bri..is it okay if i post this whole conversation to my online-journal?
brian tam: y?
brian tam: wat 4?
tasteeberree: tinatamad kasi ako magsulat ng nangyari sa kin for this past few days..e di eto na lang, cut and paste lang...and dahil sa pakiki pag-messenger ko sayo di ko tuloy na update online journal ko..
tasteeberree: and kahit na ayaw mo, wala ka namang magagawa diba?
brian tam: so ur sayin na its partially my fault kng bkt mo d naupdate ung journal mo?
tasteeberree: oo
tasteeberree: not partially...totally
brian tam: ganun?!
brian tam: how can i be at fault e d naman kta pnilit na magstay?
brian tam: hmph!ang bad mo!
brian tam:
tasteeberree: dapat nga nag-thank you ka...tapos bad pa ko
brian tam: e kc pnapalabas mo na kasalanan ko kht hnd naman
tasteeberree: oo nga insensitive ka...dapat alam mo idistinguish kung ano yun joke sa hindi..kaya hindi ako mag-sosorry sayo
brian tam: ganon?! so ur takin advantage of me then?
brian tam: of my bein insensitiv
tasteeberree: hindi ah...bri..wait lang...may icliclick akong icon..ano marereceive mo?
brian tam:
tasteeberree: meron ba wala?
tasteeberree: kasi hindi ko alam e
tasteeberree: what are audibles for?
brian tam: wala akong nakkta
tasteeberree: talaga. anyway...forget it.
brian tam: audibles? pang sound sya
tasteeberree: so..un nga, im not taking advantage of you
tasteeberree: hindi ako ganun..
brian tam: e anong tawag mo sa balak mong gawin?
brian tam: and not sayin sori?
tasteeberree: yeah...what would i say sorry for...if you ask..sige eto yun mga bagay na alam kong dapat kong i pag sorry sa yo 1) wala 2) wala 3) wala 4)....
brian tam:
tasteeberree:  too
brian tam: bhala ka n nga...
brian tam: all i ask is dat u not mention any names and to tell me ur online journal's address
tasteeberree: of course not..ayoko ..hindi puwede
tasteeberree: that's like my diary and if in case people chanced on it..they dont know me at all
brian tam: ang daya naman nun
tasteeberree: okay na?
brian tam: d pa
brian tam: d mo pa bnibigay ung address
tasteeberree: hindi ko na ipopost.period.
brian tam: ows?pano ko naman malalaman kng 22o cnasabi mo?
tasteeberree: kasi sinabi ko
tasteeberree: but dont trust me
brian tam: bkt?
tasteeberree: kasi ipopost ko pa rin...unless you give me another bright idea
tasteeberree: tell me..should i go to church tomorrow or no?
brian tam: ...ang sama mo
tasteeberree: today is sunday na pala
tasteeberree: direct translation ba yun ng "ang bad mo"
brian tam: church?para ano?it seems na superficial lang ung pagpunta mo sa church
brian tam: ur only foolin urself
tasteeberree: hindi...im taking chance na baka tomorow na ko ma-enlighten...im hoping..cause that would make me happy...nothing else
brian tam: e bkt mo pa ko tnatanong?
tasteeberree: wala lang...di ko nga rin alam e...natanong ko lang...
tasteeberree: masama ba?
tasteeberree:
brian tam: i duno, u tel me, ikw naman itong nannwala sa god e
tasteeberree: kaya nga..masama ba, na tinanong ko sa yo?...question lang...
brian tam: ikw ang bahala
tasteeberree: tulog na tayo bri. basta, sabi mo ha, you're taking or kahit considering my 'tip"..promise mo yan ha!
brian tam: iv changed my mind
tasteeberree:
tasteeberree: sana makonsensiya ka na may isang tao kang pinalungkot
tasteeberree: ...
brian tam: bsyds, im disappointed syo, ippost mo ung conversation natin kht alam mo na private conve to
brian tam: that makes the 2 of us
brian tam:
brian tam: gnyt