believer in my Maker & Savior

You left us all alone

In this world so uncertain
You left but did not say goodbye

You made us cry

We wept
We grieved

Once in a while we laugh
We remember our memories together
You actually make us smile and cry altogether

We miss you now
And pray that we can someday see each other again

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    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;  "The Cross"

Out of boredom and desperation, I used my brother's old sketchpad from high school and drew. I must admit that drawing is not really one of my talents and I hate it. I also hate the thought that maybe if I just practiced in my early childhood years, probably I could have developed the talent and the love for drawing. I just regret now that I've been so lazy and discouraged all those times, just becasue I didn't trust myself when it comes to drawing or painting and other related matter.

Someday, I want to design my own house and my own wedding gown. I also have fantasies of becoming an interior designer. Well probably because I don't really know how to draw, I'll just focus on my other dream of becoming a professional chef.

I entitled my art "The Cross". It was supposed to be a butterfly but eventually, it slowly looked like a cross, as I colored it.

Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross and for saving us.

It's exactly a week now that I went with my church friends to what they call an "Overnight Youth Encounter" (OYE). FYI: OYE is Faith Fellowship Aurora's once a year event exclusively for college students. However sometimes, (just like the recent OYE) some high school students also join.

For this year's OYE, I decided to come even though I still had another commitment the day after my first night there. I said yes to my former and to my present cell leaders just because I thought it would be my last chance to join since this is my last year in college. Also, I thought that it would be a wonderful venue for me to bring back that lost feeling of "spiritual high". (Forgive me for these words.)

That Friday afternoon, even though I still had to think of my responsibilities at home before I left for church and then for Antipolo, I was excited of what was going to happen. My tight schedule for our thesis and for running errands at home just gave me barely 30 minutes to pack my belongings. But no matter how short the time I had, the funny thing was I couldn’t understand why I failed to pack light.

Despite the excitement though, my heart also wanted to just stay home because my niece and my nephew was at the house at that time. They were just dear to me that I didn't want to leave them. Another reason why I was also feeling hesitant in joining the OYE was that because, I discovered that afternoon that some of my high school friends were coming over the house. Of course, I also wanted to see them.

So I headed to the church, worried that I might be late. I met a lot of new friends and that alone made the experience super fun. The highlight of the night though, was the worship we had. We sang songs of praise and I just felt every single word I said.

That night, I found once again what I was looking for. I just experienced God through our singing and praying. I cried to Him, thanking Him and asking for His forgiveness. I prayed that that night would not be over. I wished that once I open my eyes and stop singing, still the feeling of fulfillment would be there. I prayed that He will forever live in my heart.  I admit that I got afraid that in just a few hours, I would be back to the world again—that world which doesn’t have God in it.

This is probably why, it took me a long time before I finally decided to write about this experience. I wanted to see myself if after that night, there would be changes in my life and how I live it. Would He stay? Would I let go of Him? These were my questions after the time of worship and even the time before I sleep that night.

The morning before I left, I had a small talk with our Youth Leader Pastora Niña. I confessed and I admitted that I have been spiritually dry the longest time. It just surprised that one of the reasons for this, that surfaced was the death of my youngest brother almost one and a half year ago. I just thought that I got over all this loss already.  But then, I discovered that all the while I was just pretending to be strong. I am weak inside, feeling all the fears and paranoias of something wrong happening to any one of my loved ones anytime. For the longest time, I did not trust God and I did not believe that He is going to take care of people’s lives.

Now, I am writing about this because I was not wrong in my expectations of OYE and what it could do to me.  For this week, I started to fully entrust God already with the lives of the members of my family. I learned to slowly put my hands off with what is going to happen in the future. But then, I guess it will be a long process. As a psychology major, I understand that I might just be having a post-traumatic stress disorder. I know as a human being, it is just normal to grieve and feel the consequences of losing someone, unexpectedly.
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It made me also feel good that I started to read the bible again and really pray. My task now is to make these a hobby and a responsibility, because only in communing with Him constantly will I be able to regain that passion for Him.

But then, this boils down again to just focusing on my emotions. I am just afraid that in the near future, especially if the new semester starts again, I might just not be able to find time praying and reading the bible. Then, I might say that I am feeling spiritually dry again just because I don’t feel good and happy.

It’s weird.

The semester is over and I expected that I am going to have time already to take a rest and enjoy the semestral break. Yet I was wrong. Totally wrong. Well, at least for this week, I know it will be as hectic as if I am schooling. I had my last orals last Friday and after my Philosophy 104 oral exam, I was officially on my sem break but then the days that followed and will follow just made and will make me so busy and buzzyyy...Look

Last Saturday--my older sister asked me to cook one menu for the birthday of her high school classmate. Since, I am a loving sister and since I know she could not do it, I did all the buying of ingredients, the chopping and cooking.

Last Sunday--I was glad to know that my cousin/godfather will also be taking the Civil Service Professional Exam on the same school. (at Fort Bonifacio High School in Makati). He stayed at the house and we woke up at 4 am and went together at 530 in the morning. The exam started at 8 am and it lasted for three long hours. Well, I can't tell really if I did well on it.

I went to church at 5pm.

Last Monday--went to Landbank and deposited a certain amount to Auntie Tessie's amount as Mommy requested. It was supposed to be just fine but I just did not expect that the line would be that long.

I then headed to the Division Office of Quezon City Schools to get the reccommnedation I need for our thesis.

Yesterday, Tuesday--went to my high school with my very generous friend Alma. My request to allow us to conduct surveys to the students was approved. We saw some of our teachers. I just also realized that it's been four years and there have been several changes on my beloeved high school.

It was also Cherielyn's birthday. Alma stayed all day at the house and we ate just sorts of food while waiting for the celebrant to arrive. It was already late when all of us went to Bern's house. It was fun though. I really laughed a lot.

Today, Wednesday--I woke up at around 4am. I needed to be at Kass' place at 630. Niq, Kass and I then headed to Makati Hope Christian School for our thesis.

Tomorrow, Thursday--Again, I need to wale up early. I will be meeting Niq and Kass again this time to go to another school, again for our thesis.

I will also get teh script I need at ACESS for Saturday.

On Friday--will join the Overnight Youth Encounter of the Church. It will be at Antipolo. April and Zionna agreed that I'll be leaving very early of Saturday morning for a commitment that I said yes to.

On Saturday--will have to be in school at around 630 am. ACESS texted me last Monday and asked me to administer the ALSAT. I learned today that I am gonna get paid for this.

On Sunday--Sunday school. This will be super fun though. 

For next week, as of now, I know my schedule is free.

Our Educational PSychology teacher Miss Fan Lim gave us each bag of this personalized new teacher's survival kit. The certificate was awarded to me for my perfect class attendance for the semester ; )

After watching Mr. Holland's Opus and after giving away her gifts, the class had a small party. Maam once gain brought and prepared lots of food and drinks. Ma'am is a real and inspiring teacher who puts theories into practice. She most of all cares and loves her students. This way, we also learned to love the class back and love her back and all the memories we had in that classroom at Belarmine.

In case you can't read what's on that one piece of paper it says;

The New Teacher Survival Kit
Each kit contains

A crayon to remind you that you always color the world with your presence.

An apple to remind you that knowledge is sustained when it is shared.

A rubberband to remoind you to be flexible, but not to the point of snapping.

A paperclip to hold it all together when everything seems to be falling apart.

A band-aid to help heal hurt--your's or a student's.

A kiss to remind you that like can be sweet.

A red pen to mark papers, exams, quizzes--also a reminder that you will leave your mark on the world.

A prayer to remind you that teaching is a vocation--one that is offered to Him, who loves us completely. 

After I received the news that I got exempted for my Philippine History final exam, I was totally surprised when Sir Weevens congratulated me yesterday at the Psychology Department and said that I won't be taking anymore the Abnormal Psychology final exam. I was really in total amazement and I just felt like thanking God.

I got really tired yesterday of going back and forth to the School Division Office of the Quezon City high schools to submit a permission letter for our thesis. It was an adventure at the same time though.

It was fun. We got a pretty good grade and so all the three of us (Niq and Kass) are happy.

Haha..I just realized, we prayed before we started with our defense but then after we got our grade, we didn't seem to think of God and we totally forgot to thank Him as a group.

Thank you God.

Finals week is coming and I know it is going to be hell.