believer in my Maker & Savior

I dreamt a bad dream. It so happen these past few days I’ve been sleeping really early, so I woke up after that bad dream just around this time (2:30 am). Normally, if I sleep late (like this hour) I would dream and dream a bad cream yet if it wakes me up, it would be around late morning already and people at home would be already rushing to prepare for school and office.

This time it’s different. The bad dream woke me up and I felt terribly bad. It gave me though a sign of relief that at least the dream was not true. But then I got afraid of the total darkness, obviously no one yet was awake. There was no light so I searched for my cellphone and I learned what time it was. However the little light the cellphone gave did not really make me feel well. I was just so nervous because of the dream. So I stood up and opened the light. I told myself “I have to do something.” The next thing I did was to grab the bible and opened it somewhere. Fortunately I got the message I want from God. I flipped the bible once and landed to Psalm 91. The fist six verses of the chapter say:

Whoever goes to the Lord for safety, whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty can say to him; “You are my defender and protector. You are my God, in you I trust.” He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases. He will cover you with his wings; you will be safe in his care; his faithfulness will protect and defend you. You need not fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight.

In Abnormal Psychology last semester Miss Ramos emphasized that no psychologist could ever interpret one person’s dream. Only the dreamer can do so. In my case, I just wanted to leave it at that. It’s a dream and there’s a possibility of it happening but also there’s also a possibility of it not happening. I just want to hope Marcel’s hope—one that is not optimistic and not pessimistic.

Oh yeah…the dream was about the family being inside a building and suddenly there was fire. We were running and trying to save our lives…and then I woke up.  Actually, my impulsiveness made me want to check for the gas and the electricity outlets but I was afraid to go out of the room. Oh well, I probably just could not forget the fire nearby the house sometime last year or so. It was such a traumatizing experience.

It's the first day of February. I only have around 3 weeks left of formal lecture. The last week of this month is my last finals week in college. Hehhehe...hopefully. Please pray for me.

Busy: Working on my thesis and for a training and management group project (PLUS) Dizzy: After long hours in front of the computer and finding not so much journal articles for thesis discussion (EQUALS) (me, definitely sleepy)

I know I am still in the process of discernment to complete my list of my New Year’s resolutions. I have already listed down some of them and believe it or not, on the very first day I made those self-vows, I already violated and had not done any one of them at all.

I slept the other day and yesterday past 12 am to keep up with my school readings. I drank around two glasses of Coke and some Pepsi the other day and also today. I found myself eating a lot of carbs lately as well and even worse, I haven’t done any crunches or cardio exercise at all since I made those resolutions.

Are promises really made to be broken? I know no one would intend to break his own vows. I really tried my best to keep up with those promises but to my frustration, I could not understand why I just feel lazy for example to exercise. But if you wonder, if it is hard to make such vows (it’s a sacrifice not to drink soda), it’s even harder for the one who swears when one by one and day by day, she knows she’s violating something she oath to do for her very own self. I feel helpless and very much disappointed in myself. The feeling is like sinning.

So I am still thinking if it is still worth it to continue on with my reflection and complete my list of my New Year’s resolutions. I think one thing I didn’t realize from the very beginning is that making resolutions is also about commitment. And commitment is that very word that I have been telling myself (and some people) that I am afraid of.

I never loved the word commitment. It scares me because I know myself as having that tendency to give up on a commitment. Last year, I rejected to join the organizations dear to my heart because I was afraid to commit and later on frustrate other people because I probably won’t attend meetings.

During my recollection last December for my Theology class, commitment was our topic. I will never forget that day because something embarrassing happened. I thought I lost the Dooney & Bourke bag Auntie Bellie gave, but I was actually just so sleepy that Friday morning I forgot I hung it inside the washroom’s cubicle. I told the maintenance people about it and they actually looked more worried than I was. Also, I bothered my friend Meg and she actually witnessed how panicked I was at that time. (Oh sorry, I am digressing. I actually don’t think I put this incident as one of my blog entries). So going back to that recollection, I remember one of the facilitator said that commitments are necessary so you won’t feel like as if you’re floating on space. She’s right, I know.

But then, isn’t it that it is also making a commitment when you choose not to commit on one certain thing? I did not join those organizations because I chose to make a commitment on something else. Oh well, non sense. I’m just using a defense mechanism.

Probably, this 2006 as it is my year of graduation, I will be making a lot of commitments. I ought to commit to one particular job. I probably will have to commit to a person of the opposite sex. Huh? Did I say that? Boyfriend this year? Let’s see.

And speaking of boyfriends and love. My Theology teacher actually told a crazy love story of a rich Bacolod girl and a cowboy from Baguio. And though my teacher is a priest, he warned us that love can really be crazy. Love can go wild. I felt afraid actually.

So no more resolutions coming. Just a waste of time I guess. Oh by the way, Ia m not sleeping before 12 but I am planning to exercise before sleeping.

I was planning even before the year 2005 ended to make a New Year's resolution. However, I could not understand why I coudn't seem to fix and orgnize my thoughts on what really do I want to happen or what I want to change this 2006.

I've been feeling tired and sleepy these past few days. I have also been eating a lot lately and I haven't really exercised seriously for too long.

Allow me to put my New Year's resolutions in installments.
1. To sleep not later than 12 am.
2. Strictly no sodas and junk foods.
3. Always eat in moderation.
4. Work-out. Sweat.

Give me the whole month of January to complete my list. It would be better I guess if I reflect on things first

I got really nervous because my dad and my older brother lighted firecrackers last night to welcome the new year. I was praying all the time that they won’t meet any accident just like the people I saw on TV whose hands had to be cut. Even if I was actually just watching, still I was worrying also because of the news on TV about people being injured while just watching and some even while just inside their own homes. Thank God nothing bad happened. Though what I saw in or skies last night was not as grandiose as those featured on TV and countdown to the new year shows, still the fun and amazement were there. I guess the joy came from seeing people outside the street all having fun and greeting each other happy new year. I was happy because I have a family to cherish and spend more precious time with this 2006.


my parents are not in the picture. Taken around five hours before year 2006. Thanks Eula for being our official photographer.


Taken December 30, 2005 at McDonald's . It was Krizza's first birthday party. On the picture are the four new people in the family. (Marianne & Krizza are my brother's wife and his daughter. Kuya Ian and Khalel are my sister's husband and her 3-month old son.)

A New Year Prayer

Dear Lord, I thank you for the past year. I thank you for your faithfulness and continuous love. For all the days of 2005, I know you’ve been good to me and my entire family. I also ask for forgiveness for all my shortcomings and my family’s. I know we’ve let you down most of the time.
    & nbsp;   &n bsp; Lord for this new year I ask for guidance from you. Give each and everyone of us wisdom so that we’ll make wise choices and decisions in life. I pray that you keep everyone in the family safe and healthy all the year round. Reveal yourself to us God. Let yourself be known by most of my family. May we always acknowledge you in all the things that will happen. Make us count your blessings and not blame you for any shortcoming. We ask for your faithfulness and love to abound in our homes. Guide my parents. Always look after my siblings and their families. Bless us in our studies lord. May we learn to call on you always. Lord, if we stumble please carry us up and help us to stand up. I love you Lord, in Jesus’ name, Amen.