believer in my Maker & Savior

This is the question I usually ask myself when I pass from one stage of life to another. When I graduated from grade school, from high school and finally from college, I asked the same question. Often times and actually most of the time, fortunately my answer was yes. I knew having met and helped a lot of people from elementary and secondary school has helped me grow as a teenager, who at that time was still trying to create and discover my own identity. When I finished college, I definitely could not be any prouder. I was just fortunate enough to get a good education that also allowed me to grow socially and spiritually. I went out of the university indeed as a person imbibed with Ignatian values of magis, lux in domino and being a person for others.

Am I a better person?

I ask the same question now that I am leaving my first work. After more than a year of service with my current company, the answer I feel is still a yes. Of course there might be people who would think otherwise, but as I leave I feel that I couldn’t be any better as a friend to the people I’ve met at work.

I always tell Kass, a college friend, that office work is my dream job. However, because she is Chinese and because she came from a family of businessmen and businesswomen, she could not quite well comprehend why I only dreamed of becoming an ordinary employee. She was indeed expecting from me to give her more ambitious answers, like to become the company’s CEO or to be my own boss and establish my own business. I myself could not understand why I gave, who for some are ‘mediocre’ dreams.

My dream came true. Indeed, I got employed a month after graduation and I became part of my company’s Recruitment Team. Day in and day out, I go to work and repeatedly do the same tasks—source for candidates, save resumes, call applicants, administer and check technical exams, do reports, attend meetings, do interviews, serve job offer and actually more. We do lots of things and more things everyday that we often have to extend our working hours to finish some pending work.

Yes, some people might find the things we do boring and dull, but for us in Recruiting especially for me, we find the work exciting and challenging. We redundantly do things yet the color is not the same everyday. We repeatedly do things yet we deal with totally different kind of things everyday as we deal with different kinds of people and personalities from time to time—some nice, some not, some pretty, some just ordinary.

I’ve been privileged to be in Recruitment as it gave me an opportunity to meet and deal with different kinds of individuals. I felt lucky to belong to a profession which serves a cause—that is to give the right job to the right person to the right place at the right time. Yet, more than giving me the chance to apply what I learned in Psychology and IO class, I think Recruitment has given me the chance to grow and be better as a person. It has exposed me to a lot of pressures and challenges that I was able to withstand with the help of friends—who has already became a family to me.

I actually feel that more than helping the company to find the right and qualified resources, I feel that my real cause in the organization is to ultimately touch lives. I know I am going out of the organization as a better person, ultimately because I’ve been a very good friend to my colleagues. And even if other people might think otherwise, I am a better person because I’ve met people with different experiences in life and I have used these experiences as my guide in living my own life.

I might be the youngest in the team but I have proven that being young is not a stumbling block in order to succeed. I have actually proven that someone as young as I am could think and decide for her own self.  In the past year, I have indeed lived my youth cell group’s life verse:
“Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young. But set an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith, and your pure life.”

…but just the same, I would like to make a point why I decided to leave rather than stay. I appreciate other people’s efforts in trying to influence my decision, but I guess being a grown-up myself, if there’s one thing about me I am proud about, that is my ability to be independent when it comes to decision-making. Yes, I make extra effort to ask for others’ opinions, but at the end, the judgment, whether good or bad, will ultimately come from me—the decision maker, the owner of this life, or rather, the driver of this life, as I acknowledge that God owns everything about me, including my every breath and my every heartbeat.

In the years back, I also had to make decisions for myself. I had to think, to pray hard and eventually, I had to arrive at an answer—yes or no, left or right, black or white, good or bad.
When I was about to graduate in high school, I had to face the dilemma of choosing which college to attend to. At that time my options were just Ateneo and UP. I chose to be an eagle. Why not? A lot of people dreamed of becoming an Atenean, but only few were chosen for that year, 2002. Who could not say yes to a free quality education? I was just not stupid enough, if I may say, to let go of an Ateneo College Scholarship. I had to take risk and I had to take a totally different path, one that was away from my high school friends.

Yet another milestone in my life was when I chose to stand up for my belief in spirituality and in God. They say most Filipinos were born with a given Catholic religion and I was part of that population. I grew up going to Sunday masses yet as I became older, I also asked a lot of questions and these curiosities were not addressed. I was then invited to a Christian church sometime year 2000 and I earnestly attend the Sunday services. Eventually, I decided to be baptized and be born again. On my own, I stood up for my belief, even if my whole family stayed to be Catholics. I went to services alone in my new church, but I eventually made good friends.

Even small things in life where you will have to choose also matter: what to eat, what to wear, who to be friends with, to cheat or not, to choose this guy or the other. These big and small decisions, definitely define us and our upbringing.

In making decisions, we basically take one and leave another. There will always be risks involved since we do not yet know if you’ll win or if you’ll lose, given you take this chance yet miss another. I do believe in the saying that choices can make or break a person, yet lately, I realized that you do not really win or lose just by deciding to go with a certain belief or idea and not with the other. At the end of the day, what will matter is what you make, out of your decision. You can become a winner if you choose to be victorious in a seemingly ugly situation. On the other hand, you can also become a failure in an already seemingly pretty situation. You choose now, but you also make choices along the process and along the way to reap your goals.

Seize the day, they say. You decide now. Do not look back. Do not ask, what if? No regrets. No have I only known. I resigned. I am leaving and I have decided to go because staying now, I know will not make me stay forever.

Elissa, a new found friend and probably five years older than I am also shared her experience of resigning the first time. Also an Atenean, she asked me questions on commitment. In the act of resignation, she said that it is only an option between two commitments: commitment with the company (including the friends you’ve made there) and commitment with your dreams (assuming you’re leaving for another work opportunity.)

I choose to commit to my dreams. I love my friends. No doubt about that. They should never doubt how I care and how I love and how I will miss them. Those are just unquestionable. However at this time, I know that it is not being selfish to pursue some dreams not only for myself but more for my loved ones.

I’ve told my friends that I am not sure of this new work and new company. This one is unlike the other missed opportunities before. This time, I did not have to ask them if I am signing their offer or not. I had no hesitations and I was quick to think that I know this new job will help me grow. When I submitted my resignation letter to our manager, I just have to say that I think and I feel that I have to follow what my heart tells me. No more further explanations needed, the talk was short and easy, nice and sweet.

If only I can choose both – to stay yet still get this new opportunity, then who can be happier? However in life, we cannot have everything. Most of the time, fortunately and unfortunately, we all have to make small and big sacrifices. At this time, I am sacrificing the relationships that could still be enriched, if I choose to stay. However if I leave, I will be gaining new friends and meeting lots and different people.

No pain, no gain. In this life, somehow, someway, one rule always exists: you get what you give. I am choosing to leave now and whatever happens in the future, I know I do not have to worry because I trust that I have a faithful God.

I did not know how to write a resignation letter. Headstrong's my first job and it was my first time to resign last Friday. Google came to my rescue and some friends who were hesitant to help. It's an irony, that I actually sought help from the very people who in the first place did not want to let go of me.

***

Marjorie V. Balderas
11 Amugis Street,
Project 3, Quezon City

July 6, 2007

Mr. Mon Agdamag
Engagement Support Manager
Headstrong Phils.
15f, Export Bank Plaza Bldg.
Sen. Gil Puyat corner Chino Roce Ave.
Makati City
 
Dear Sir Mon:

Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am tendering my resignation from Headstrong Philippines effective Friday, August 10.

Working for Headstrong and for Recruitment has been a wonderful experience. I could not ask for a better group of colleagues and a supervisor in your person. I have grown in many ways here and will always treasure the opportunities provided for me by the company.

I would like to express my sincerest thanks for the professional and personal development that you have provided me. I wish you and your family luck and success.

God bless.

Sincerely,
Marj

Last Friday (July 6, 2007), was the hardest Friday that I had ever faced in my life. I woke up with text messages the night before from Ann. The messages read as follows;

Text Message  1:
Pwera biro, it’s so sad na I’ll lose a very good friend. Kahit sabihin mo na we’ll be in touch. Iba pa din yung malayo ka na. Pero at the same time, I’, happy for you. Lam ko you have your reasons, and as a friend, I have to understand. I’ll never forget our unforgettable cab memories, and the tawanan ang reklamo sessions every lunch and uwian. Thank you for the memories. 

Text Message 2:
Strong people make just as many mistakes as weak people do. But the friend says this: the stronger ones admit their mistakes, laugh about them, and learn from them

Text Message 3:
Umiiyak ako kay James kagabi. Kainis ka. ….Basta sabi ko kay James, sobrang nanghihinayang ako to lose a friend like you. Someone who really cares.

I cried over these messages but more than these texts, I cried over the memories I shared with the greatest friends I made at work. I cried and cried because in the coming days, I knew I will no longer share the same space with these companions. When I go to work in the morning, I will be greeting a new set of different faces, new friends. In the coming weeks and months, I knew, I will no longer share the same memories of fun and sorrows with Ann, Polly, Diana and the rest of Headstrong’s Recruitment. Eventually, I will have to finally say “good bye” to them.

Goodbye is indeed a sad word. I am a person who always see the positive in the negative yet, that Friday goodbye just carried all the burdens of having to leave behind some wonderful people, the best friends, the best bosses. Goodbye is such a painful word that Friday for it meant nothing but losing the memories I yet have to share with these great persons. If I just choose to stay, things might turn out the opposite.  

That same morning, I replied to Ann’s messages saying: Just think of me as your daughter that you will have to let go, because I am getting married to the person I love, and you shall let me go because you know I am happy if I choose to live with this man even if I will have to leave you, my mother behind.

I do not know if everyone would agree to my analogy of getting married and resigning. In a way, no matter how much we deny, goodbye can indeed be positive. It is a new beginning. It is an end, yet a new and fresh start.

I stood up and faced my Friday. I signed another job offer and later that day, I tendered my resignation.

Today, as I write these words, I am ending a story and starting a new one. I would like to say that this old story will have a happy ending. I know that the new story might start just like how the old story started, yet I know that I am already armed and equipped with experiences and lessons that my first story and its characters taught me.