…but just the same, I would like to make a point why I decided to leave rather than stay. I appreciate other people’s efforts in trying to influence my decision, but I guess being a grown-up myself, if there’s one thing about me I am proud about, that is my ability to be independent when it comes to decision-making. Yes, I make extra effort to ask for others’ opinions, but at the end, the judgment, whether good or bad, will ultimately come from me—the decision maker, the owner of this life, or rather, the driver of this life, as I acknowledge that God owns everything about me, including my every breath and my every heartbeat.

In the years back, I also had to make decisions for myself. I had to think, to pray hard and eventually, I had to arrive at an answer—yes or no, left or right, black or white, good or bad.
When I was about to graduate in high school, I had to face the dilemma of choosing which college to attend to. At that time my options were just Ateneo and UP. I chose to be an eagle. Why not? A lot of people dreamed of becoming an Atenean, but only few were chosen for that year, 2002. Who could not say yes to a free quality education? I was just not stupid enough, if I may say, to let go of an Ateneo College Scholarship. I had to take risk and I had to take a totally different path, one that was away from my high school friends.

Yet another milestone in my life was when I chose to stand up for my belief in spirituality and in God. They say most Filipinos were born with a given Catholic religion and I was part of that population. I grew up going to Sunday masses yet as I became older, I also asked a lot of questions and these curiosities were not addressed. I was then invited to a Christian church sometime year 2000 and I earnestly attend the Sunday services. Eventually, I decided to be baptized and be born again. On my own, I stood up for my belief, even if my whole family stayed to be Catholics. I went to services alone in my new church, but I eventually made good friends.

Even small things in life where you will have to choose also matter: what to eat, what to wear, who to be friends with, to cheat or not, to choose this guy or the other. These big and small decisions, definitely define us and our upbringing.

In making decisions, we basically take one and leave another. There will always be risks involved since we do not yet know if you’ll win or if you’ll lose, given you take this chance yet miss another. I do believe in the saying that choices can make or break a person, yet lately, I realized that you do not really win or lose just by deciding to go with a certain belief or idea and not with the other. At the end of the day, what will matter is what you make, out of your decision. You can become a winner if you choose to be victorious in a seemingly ugly situation. On the other hand, you can also become a failure in an already seemingly pretty situation. You choose now, but you also make choices along the process and along the way to reap your goals.

Seize the day, they say. You decide now. Do not look back. Do not ask, what if? No regrets. No have I only known. I resigned. I am leaving and I have decided to go because staying now, I know will not make me stay forever.

Elissa, a new found friend and probably five years older than I am also shared her experience of resigning the first time. Also an Atenean, she asked me questions on commitment. In the act of resignation, she said that it is only an option between two commitments: commitment with the company (including the friends you’ve made there) and commitment with your dreams (assuming you’re leaving for another work opportunity.)

I choose to commit to my dreams. I love my friends. No doubt about that. They should never doubt how I care and how I love and how I will miss them. Those are just unquestionable. However at this time, I know that it is not being selfish to pursue some dreams not only for myself but more for my loved ones.

I’ve told my friends that I am not sure of this new work and new company. This one is unlike the other missed opportunities before. This time, I did not have to ask them if I am signing their offer or not. I had no hesitations and I was quick to think that I know this new job will help me grow. When I submitted my resignation letter to our manager, I just have to say that I think and I feel that I have to follow what my heart tells me. No more further explanations needed, the talk was short and easy, nice and sweet.

If only I can choose both – to stay yet still get this new opportunity, then who can be happier? However in life, we cannot have everything. Most of the time, fortunately and unfortunately, we all have to make small and big sacrifices. At this time, I am sacrificing the relationships that could still be enriched, if I choose to stay. However if I leave, I will be gaining new friends and meeting lots and different people.

No pain, no gain. In this life, somehow, someway, one rule always exists: you get what you give. I am choosing to leave now and whatever happens in the future, I know I do not have to worry because I trust that I have a faithful God.